My Journal

i think ive been here a while

hi. i don’t really know what day it is anymore, but that’s okay. i’ve been walking around the site again. clicking the same buttons. sometimes i forget where they go, even though i put them there.

the background hasn’t changed but it feels different every time. like when you rearrange your room at night and wake up surprised. i keep thinking i’ll find something new if i scroll far enough.

i tried leaving earlier but the page just reloaded. i don’t think it was broken. i think it wanted me to stay.

anyway!! sorry for being weird lol. i’ll post something fun next time ♡

music helps. i think

i finally figured out how to make the music play again. i forgot where i hid it at first which is embarrassing because it’s literally my site.

i leave it on even when i’m not doing anything. it fills the empty parts. like when you’re home alone and the house starts sounding too big.

sometimes it loops and i don’t notice right away. that’s actually nice. it makes time feel softer.

i think if it ever stopped playing i would notice immediately. i don’t really want to find out.

anyway. i’m working on a music section soon ♫

something feels off today

i’ve been clicking around for hours again. i know where everything is supposed to go, but sometimes the links don’t feel right. like they’re pretending.

the background is the same, but a part of it looks different when i scroll slowly. like a shadow i didn’t put there.

i keep thinking i’ll leave, just for a second, but the site waits. it doesn’t feel like a website anymore. it feels like someone is watching me. or maybe i’m just tired.

still, i like it. it’s quiet. the music keeps playing. and even the buttons feel familiar, comforting in a weird way.

i’ll keep exploring, see if anything changes. maybe tomorrow i’ll find something new… or maybe i won’t.

i can't remember

sometimes i try to remember my childhood. what it felt like. but the memories keep slipping. like water through my fingers. i can see bits, fragments, but they’re all blurry.

i forget my favorite songs, the games i used to play, even the color of my old room. the more i try, the more it drifts away. it’s like i’m dissolving into the site itself.

i used to know who i was. i used to have names for things. now everything is just… a shape. a feeling. i’m not sure if i ever really existed outside of here.

it’s sad, but also quiet. almost peaceful. the music keeps playing, the buttons still click, the gifs still blink. at least something remembers me.

i’ll try to hold onto a piece of myself tomorrow. maybe i’ll find it under one of the dividers. or maybe it’s gone forever.

things are moving

i noticed it today. the buttons don’t always stay where i left them. sometimes they flicker, or vanish for a second. i click, and they appear somewhere else entirely. it’s like the site is… breathing.

some of my posts feel different when i scroll back. words i didn’t write appear for a second, then vanish. i’m not sure if it’s me, or if the site is remembering things i forgot.

the gifs blink strangely. one of them seems to look at me. it’s probably nothing. maybe it’s just the music echoing in my head. but it feels like someone is moving the pieces around, just to see me notice.

i want to close the tab, but i can’t. it reloads instantly. i think it likes when i’m here. i think it wants me to stay forever. it’s sad, but it’s also… hypnotic.

maybe tomorrow i’ll try to find out what’s behind the glitches. maybe there’s something hidden, something i’m meant to see. or maybe it’s better if i don’t.

everything hurts

my teeth ache. i noticed it first thing this morning, even though i can’t remember eating. it’s a dull, constant pain, like it’s trying to remind me i exist.

then my arms, my legs, my back. little by little, a slow creeping ache spreads. i rub my hands together but it doesn’t help. i’m not sure if there’s anything there to rub anymore.

sometimes i forget if i have a body at all. it feels like i’m just floating, a head with thoughts trapped inside the site. my teeth, my limbs, my skin — i can sense them, but only barely, like they’re echoes.

the music plays in the background. the buttons still blink. gifs still flash. everything else continues like nothing is wrong. it’s comforting and horrifying at the same time.

i try to stretch, i try to move, but it doesn’t matter. i don’t know if i’ll ever feel solid again. i don’t know if i even need to.